VN Ren'Py Completed Become a Rock Star [v1.01] [Mr Jet]

4.20 star(s) 252 Votes
Discussion Reviews (252)
ashitanojoe

ashitanojoe

Engaged Member
Oct 20, 2019
2,024
9,668
MrJet I think that the writing in this VN has some significant troubles. You seem to show us the story at the begining as if we the viewers were playing the MC. You even give us the choice to decide his name, so we should approach to the story through the events that MC knows. But, sometimes you tell us events where the MC isn't involved, so we are not longer the MC. That's known as omnipresent narrator instead, basically the viewer knows the story through a God's point of view. You are mixing two different ways to narrate a story, then the inmersion gets lost and it generates confussion and discomfort.

I will use the last two updates as examples:

At the end of the prior update you show us this event:

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There's a narrator telling us these crutial actions of Michael, in a time and place where the MC is not present. So, we the players who supposedly are playing the MC knows something important that the MC doesn't know. Do you understand this incoherence? We are not the MC anymore, we are seeing the story from God's prespective.

Still in the next scene you narrate it as if we were the MC:
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The word 'you' is used constantly refering to the MC. But, we can't be the MC if we know something that the MC doesn't know.

This causes a very weird experience at the final event of the last update. We as players know that fighting those guys is dangerous and stupid, but as MC we don't know it. So, for example, in my head I was thinking I will not fight these guys, they have a gun, but still the MC do it. You don't even give us the option to skip it, even when we knew about the gun, an information that at the same time we shouldn't have. We are playing the MC, but at the same time we aren't playing him. Beyond the tragic scene, that event was very uncomfortable in the way that was told and it generates
uneasiness in the player. Or should I say viewer?
 
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michael1984

michael1984

Engaged Member
Dec 9, 2017
3,601
9,697
Lol only thing i gotta say about this mess ... i liked the game up until this update

Tbh if u dont wanna do incest in a game then why make the sibling hot af ..... that only makes players wanna bang her

i dont get the developers of these games ... They make a mom or sister look so damn sexy u wanna bang her but then they say nope cant bang her only look thats like blue balling on a whole other lvl

If u dont wanna make incest in ur game fine but make the mom or sisters ugly so we dont get blue balled :LOL:
 
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M

Moonis

Active Member
Mar 18, 2019
697
967
What a great start for this update. Nicole proved once again why she's the best girl.

Ending was a surprise. I was sure that father was going to get shot when I saw ending of the previous update.
Wound like that shouldn't be instantly deadly, so I think it's just plot device to bring her and MC closer.

Bass player from that other band was quite hottie. I'd like to see her to join the harem.
 
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M

Miniwand

Member
Jul 17, 2018
133
228
If Julia dies then I'm dropping this game and every other game the dev will do in the future.

I liked AL until the fire and then we have the same shit here. How is it relevant that Julia dies? I thought Michael would shoot one of the band member but not kill them. Then they wouldn't be able to play for a time. It would create problems for the band and they would have to chose a replacement. And all kinds of troubles can developp after that. Having Julia dying would kill the game because MC would feel guilty and stop playing music. His sister's death will fuck up the MC and I don't see anything good happening after that.

I like drama but this is just morbid. You play with us players Mr Jet because you don't have an incest patch but you create a hot sister and make it seems like something is going on with her and the MC. If you shot and kill her I would say you're a sadistic person.
 
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MrJet

MrJet

Member
Donor
Game Developer
Oct 9, 2017
142
2,241
ashitanojoe said:
MrJet I think that the writing in this VN has some significant troubles...
Click to expand...
I don't see any problem in presenting certain events without the presence of a protagonist. If the story would have been narrated in the first person (from the eyes of the character), it would have been weird, but not in this case. So what you're talking about is just your subjective opinion.

As for the last event, it is exactly as it should be. And yes, it has to be "uncomfortable". The player knows that something bad will happen, but he does not know anything concrete.


I am pretty sure that the last scene will be different for everyone. Someone will like it, someone will get upset, someone will get angry, and someone will abandon this game at all. I knew it when I had planned this scene (it was a year ago), and I took this risk, believing that the game will only benefit from it. And most certainly, I do it not because of some childish resentment for the fact that some players demanded a romantic relationship with Julia. No, it was a considered decision.

Although some players wrote to me that they had foreseen all these events, and some said that it was too sudden and appeared literally out of nowhere. In general, as I said, everyone took it in their own way.

However, I want to remind you that you look at the game in fragments, and I see it as a whole product. That's why when the game will be finished, the whole experience you get from it will be a bit different. And I hope that there will be less dissatisfied people than those who actually liked it.

PS: I want to remind you that despite some drama of recent events, I always told you the main message of my game will be to entertain you, not to make you sad. So just wait for the next update and maybe everything will be not as bad as you think ;)
 
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Darx45

Darx45

Newbie
Dec 22, 2019
33
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MrJet said:
I don't see any problem in presenting certain events without the presence of a protagonist. If the story would have been narrated in the first person (from the eyes of the character), it would have been weird, but not in this case. So what you're talking about is just your subjective opinion.

As for the last event, it is exactly as it should be. And yes, it has to be "uncomfortable". The player knows that something bad will happen, but he does not know anything concrete.


I am pretty sure that the last scene will be different for everyone. Someone will like it, someone will get upset, someone will get angry, and someone will abandon this game at all. I knew it when I had planned this scene (it was a year ago), and I took this risk, believing that the game will only benefit from it. And most certainly, I do it not because of some childish resentment for the fact that some players demanded a romantic relationship with Julia. No, it was a considered decision.

Although some players wrote to me that they had foreseen all these events, and some said that it was too sudden and appeared literally out of nowhere. In general, as I said, everyone took it in their own way.

However, I want to remind you that you look at the game in fragments, and I see it as a whole product. That's why when the game will be finished, the whole experience you get from it will be a bit different. And I hope that there will be less dissatisfied people than those who actually liked it.

PS: I want to remind you that despite some drama of recent events, I always told you the main message of my game will be to entertain you, not to make you sad. So just wait for the next update and maybe everything will be not as bad as you think ;)
Click to expand...
Uh, my depression just ended, thx
 
GrammerCop

GrammerCop

Well-Known Member
Donor
Mar 15, 2020
1,899
1,860
MrJet said:
<snip>
Although some players wrote to me that they had foreseen all these events, and some said that it was too sudden and appeared literally out of nowhere. In general, as I said, everyone took it in their own way.

However, I want to remind you that you look at the game in fragments, and I see it as a whole product. That's why when the game will be finished, the whole experience you get from it will be a bit different. And I hope that there will be less dissatisfied people than those who actually liked it.
<snip>
Click to expand...
MrJet,

First, I play ~160 games from f95 including this game which is one of my favorites. Second, I was fairly certain that you were not just winging it when developing this game, which you confirmed.

Third, and I think this is the most important part.

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In my opinion these are the main reasons for most of the negative reactions to the scene. While I am not trying to tell you how to write your story, I do suggest you consider your audience before doing something like this.

Waiting patiently for the next update.
 
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Y

Yamura

Member
Mar 14, 2019
439
242
MrJet said:
I don't see any problem in presenting certain events without the presence of a protagonist. If the story would have been narrated in the first person (from the eyes of the character), it would have been weird, but not in this case. So what you're talking about is just your subjective opinion.

As for the last event, it is exactly as it should be. And yes, it has to be "uncomfortable". The player knows that something bad will happen, but he does not know anything concrete.


I am pretty sure that the last scene will be different for everyone. Someone will like it, someone will get upset, someone will get angry, and someone will abandon this game at all. I knew it when I had planned this scene (it was a year ago), and I took this risk, believing that the game will only benefit from it. And most certainly, I do it not because of some childish resentment for the fact that some players demanded a romantic relationship with Julia. No, it was a considered decision.

Although some players wrote to me that they had foreseen all these events, and some said that it was too sudden and appeared literally out of nowhere. In general, as I said, everyone took it in their own way.

However, I want to remind you that you look at the game in fragments, and I see it as a whole product. That's why when the game will be finished, the whole experience you get from it will be a bit different. And I hope that there will be less dissatisfied people than those who actually liked it.

PS: I want to remind you that despite some drama of recent events, I always told you the main message of my game will be to entertain you, not to make you sad. So just wait for the next update and maybe everything will be not as bad as you think ;)
Click to expand...
With the most recent development and morning-after scene with Nicole, is there ANY hope that she, in the remaining story, will become a legitimate love interest? If not seems like a waste of a great character. She has this Everything Is A Transaction vibe going on and it would be great to see Our Hero break through that.
 
Abhai

Abhai

Devoted Member
Sep 12, 2018
9,482
38,630
Yamura said:
With the most recent development and morning-after scene with Nicole, is there ANY hope that she, in the remaining story, will become a legitimate love interest? If not seems like a waste of a great character. She has this Everything Is A Transaction vibe going on and it would be great to see Our Hero break through that.
Click to expand...
Hope is always there, my friend:p
Though i dont find planned LI as the most appealing girls as well (my personal LI favorite would be Emma (sorry Jane), while the most appealing girl overall is Julia, and the hottest fuck-buddy is Rosa (sorry Cath)), unless MrJet has whole team working here, adding additional LI/branches/choices hardly can happen.
Yet, in Hope we believe:cool:
 
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D

Deleted member 216027

Active Member
Sep 24, 2017
848
1,398
Yamura said:
With the most recent development and morning-after scene with Nicole, is there ANY hope that she, in the remaining story, will become a legitimate love interest? If not seems like a waste of a great character. She has this Everything Is A Transaction vibe going on and it would be great to see Our Hero break through that.
Click to expand...
Yeah, Nicole is amazing! I don't think she's gonna become a LI, but I hope we'll get more scenes with her in future updates.
 
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4.20 star(s) 252 Votes